Authoritarian Parenting, Is It Really Helpful?

Until two decades ago, parenting in India was done differently. Mostly, children were raised in a different way and in a different environment, as compared to today’s generation. I remember my mother telling me how her parents used to be extremely strict with her and used to expect her to behave in a certain way.

In that time, parents used to practice authoritarian parenting i.e. they used to be very strict with their children, and giving harsh punishments for their mistakes used to be a normal thing. Back then, academic scores meant everything to the parents, and they did not focus on anything even close to holistic development.

Parents used to think that children do things they believe are good for them. Taking the children’s opinions was never an option for them and so, was not even considered. It was more like living that dialogue from the movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham — “keh diya na…bas keh diya”. They believed that giving punishment was an effective way to discipline children. Moreover, they had an unhealthy obsession with their kids becoming doctors and engineers.

I also remember my father telling me how my grandfather used to beat him during his study sessions with him if he made any mistake and did not understand. Things do not end here, parents even used to allow teachers to hit their children during school time for studies. In fact, they themselves used to resort to corporal punishment to apparently ‘discipline’ their children.

Earlier, the parents used to expect their children to follow the pathway they feel is right for them, suppressing their wishes, ambitions, and inclinations. They used to impose their wishes on the child in the name of concern which consequently affected the children. Remember that typical Indian parent line? — “hum to jo karte hain tumhare bhale ke liye hi karte hain”.

Since the parents have been raised in such an authoritarian environment, many times they tend to reflect those authoritarian parenting characteristics while raising their kids. While authoritarian methods may seem effective, the reality is far different than this.

Through this article, I will help parents understand what authoritarian parenting is and how parents should navigate through their parental journey in the current digital era.

What is Authoritarian Parenting?

Authoritarian parenting is a type of parenting style where parents are very strict with the child, have high expectations, and give very little warmth and emotional support. They put more emphasis on obedience, discipline, and adherence to rules and offer almost no space for negotiation or flexibility.

In authoritarian parenting, the parents act as unquestionable figures and expect children to follow instructions without asking questions or giving reasons. There is a lack of nurturing communication, and there is a greater focus on control and high expectations.

I have seen such parents holding this belief that strict discipline results in good behavior and responsible adulthood and in the process, end up, ignoring children’s individual needs and desires. They resort to punishment rather than positive reinforcement or open communication.

While authoritarian parenting may be considered a good and effective way by previous generations or our parents to make children, follow rules and regulations, this may not be true. The negatives of this type of parenting weigh heavier than the positives i.e. this pursuit of instilling a strong sense of discipline, following rules and regulations, and respecting authority can result in negative consequences too.

Demerits of Authoritarian Parenting

Lack of communication and emotional support in this parenting style can have a negative impact on the children resulting in various psychological and behavioral challenges for them.

Suppresses Children’s Emotional Development: In authoritarian parenting, parents emphasize strict rules and obedience and discourage children from expressing their feelings or opinions.

This can lead to emotional repression where children may also become reluctant to share their feelings or opinions in later stages and relationships of life leading to emotional isolation, and lack of emotional intelligence.

For example, children grown up in a strict environment often face dismissal at the hands of parents when they try to express themselves. This results in children getting emotionally distant and thinking that parents do not recognize them to value their personality.

Due to this childhood experience, they start fearing that showing vulnerability may lead to rejection in their future life and, therefore, face difficulty in forming close relationships with family and friends.

Low Self-esteem: Authoritarian parenting relies on punishment rather than praise. Children may assess their self-worth based on their ability to meet strict expectations rather than on unconditional love or acceptance.

For example, children may end up feeling that their self-worth is attached to how well they perform due to parent’s expectations of high academic scores and failure to recognize children’s efforts if they fail. Resultantly, in the later stages of life, they become overly self-critical and constantly worried about disappointing others.

Struggle With Social Skills and Forming Healthy Relationships: Children raised in an authoritarian parenting environment may struggle with social skills like negotiation, empathy, or collaboration because they have been taught to obey without questioning authority. They lack the ability to have an open dialogue and have problems understanding the needs of others.

For example, suppose parents emphasize discipline more than emotional connection and communication and do not allow their children to socialize much in school in the name of distraction.

In that case, eventually, children may start to struggle with interacting with peers in a natural way and feel unsure of what to say and how to show warmth and have an open conversation, making it difficult for them to form close bonds.

Feelings of Resentment or Rebellion: Children may start to show resentment and become rebellious if they feel oppressed by overly strict rules in an authoritarian environment. This can lead to the breakdown of the parent-child relationship and, consequently, make children out of the parents’ control.

For example, if a parent starts imposing very rigid rules, such as not letting children attend social events, enjoy time with friends, choose their career path, etc., then the children, due to constant feelings of not being understood and poor emotional connections, may start showing resentment and rebellion. They may break curfew, sneak out for parties, assert their autonomy, and push back against the authority their parents have imposed on them.

Lack of Independence: It is a situation where, due to authoritarian parenting, the children lose their ability to make their own decisions, think critically, or act autonomously. The parents try to decide everything for their children, leaving little room for personal growth and developing independence.

For example, if parents have always planned everything for their children, like planning schedules, selecting extracurricular activities, deciding on friends, and even deciding their career, the child may develop a lack of independence.

As a result, when they enter college, they may struggle with basic decision-making like time management, budgeting, and choosing classes since their parents kept deciding everything for them.

Guide your child the right way!

In the current digital scenario, it becomes very important to raise and guide children the right way via the right means. Today, parents have to practice ‘digital parenting’ instead of parenting. It means preparing and navigating their child through both social and digital realities in a very balanced way.

Having open communication with the children is a very healthy way to deal with children in their growing years. By creating a judgment-free zone, you can help children understand that they are part of their parent’s world and also understand that they are part of things around them. This will build trust and partnership due to which children will automatically start telling every problem of theirs in every aspect.

Digital Parenting requires parents to provide their children with digital literacy i.e. teach them what to see online, how to use phones to gain information and make them aware of educational applications, how to recognize fake news, and tell about the possible consequences of them. It is important to digitally educate them so that they can identify threats, not get cyberbullied, and yet treat everyone online respectfully, just as they would in person.

It is also an important part of digital parenting that parents themselves showcase very responsible digital behavior and present themselves as a role model to learn from. Tech-free family activities also aid this such as no phones while eating together, cooking together, outdoor or board games, etc.

Coming onto one of the best available option i.e. using spy applications that acts, in coherence with the needs of digital parenting.

• How Spy Applications Will Help Parents?

Spy applications are monitoring tools that help parents monitor their children’s online activities since kids today are exposed to the digital world and are raised in it.

Spy applications provide various tools such as spy application for WhatsApp which help you track the WhatsApp activities of your children. They also let parents monitor their overall online life.

A spy application also offers other tools like location tracker, keylogger, internet history recorder, call tracker, geofencing, etc. All these tools enable parents to know the whereabouts and activities of their children both in the physical world and the digital world.

It is important to utilize spy apps after having open conversations with the children instead of imposing rules. Kids may understand from their parents the reasons for using monitoring apps and how these tools assist parents in managing their concerns. Participating in a sincere and transparent conversation will allow children to feel at ease and involved in the decision-making process.

For instance, parents might say to their kids, “Utilizing a monitoring app can assist me in helping you manage your screen time and ensure you stay safe on social media.”

Parents and children can mutually establish healthy boundaries for themselves using spy applications. Nevertheless, it is essential that as children mature, parents begin to grant them privacy, independence, and the liberty to use mobile phones according to their age and situation, enabling them to become self-sufficient in navigating the modern digital world and ultimately responsible for themselves.

In today’s digital world, raising kids without authoritarian parenting means striking a balance between fostering independence, establishing trust, and providing a secure environment where they may feel safe navigating the internet. It goes without saying that it improves the relationship between parents and children.

The ideal kind of digital parenting may be achieved by combining spy applications with other strategies like setting limits, modeling positive behavior, being digitally literate, and communicating openly. This will help the kids become tech-savvy, emotionally intelligent, and responsible.